Turning Back the Pages of Time

When I was 11 years old I started my first real diary. After keeping one for a few years I became a very dedicated journal-writer, sometimes writing every day. This past year I haven't written as much because I am busier and (truth be told) I don't always like to be accountable for the thoughts I am thinking (since I have always tried my best to be honest with my diary).

Tonight I pulled out one of my old diaries, one I started when I was 15 years old. While I was reading the accounts of fun times at camp or at church, I wished I could relive those moments. Moments when everyone seemed to be my friend, church was great in my eyes, I was always at home away from worldly influences, and yes, love was in the air! (Or at least I thought so in my little 15 year old mind!)

But then I read about the mistakes I made, the attitude that I tried to believe I didn't have, and the "big" worries I couldn't get past. I started to have second thoughts about living those years over again! Maybe being a teenager once is enough!

As I kept reading I was reminded of things I hadn't thought about in a long time. One of the biggest blessings was reading the song I use to love called, "Only Jesus." It was a song I learned while I was at Bible camp the year before. I had went back to this song many times when I was having troubles in my spiritual walk and got a lot of encouragement out of it.

Reading about the more care-free days gone by made me remember how nice it was not to have a lot of worries. It makes me want to let go of some things that aren't in my control and simply live my life for God day by day. No, we can't really turn back the pages of time and relive them . . . but we can remember them and learn from them!

Conviction

I'll admit it . . . I don't like keeping a Bible journal. I have started many, but they don't usually last more than a few months. Why is this? It shows me how unfaithful I am to studying God's Word. At first my journals entries were long and detailed. Now they are not quite so long. When I glance over my Bible journal and see days that have no entry, I feel ashamed. When I see entries day after day that only consist of the scripture reference, I realize that my Bible studies are not actual studies. They are just reading. Some times hurriedly.

Keeping a Bible journal is a good way to be accountable to yourself. It is a constant reminder of your study life and can show you where you need to improve. It is so tempting to just quit with the journal. Then I wouldn't be bothered so bad. But then I wouldn't see where I need to improve either. So what do I do? I keep writing in my Bible journal and try to do better so that one day I can be proud of what fills the pages.

In the Pages of a Journal

As you have probably already guessed, I love to write! There is just something amazing to me about putting my thoughts on paper for me or someone else to read. From the time I was little I liked to write in school and mama encouraged me greatly. I believe she is the one who helped me become an avid writer by telling me and others that I wrote well. If she had not of said anything, I may of never discovered the joy of writing.

When I was 11 I started my first diary. Mama had made me a pretty bound book with bee material on it with paper covered with daisies on the inside. I was so excited to start a real diary so I waited till January 1 to write my first entry. I wanted it to be a special day. Since then I have completed 11 journals detailing my life and hope to finish many more.

In the pages of a journal you can find stories of God’s love, victory over trials, fun times with family, holiday traditions, and many fond memories. Journals are a great way to see how you have matured and grown in the Lord. Numerous times I have skimmed through my diaries when I was board, and saw that I had slacked in my service to God or didn’t praise him as much as I use to. I was saddened when I read of the wonderful fellowship I had with God, and remembered that it had been a while since I had gotten such joy from being with my savior. My journals have proven to be good wake up calls or instruments to set my focus aright.

Another benefit is evident when I am upset, angry, or sad. By writing my feelings down on paper I am relieved of some of my stress and am able to think with a clearer mind. There is just something helpful about seeing the facts on paper that seem to bring me to reality. I suppose it is because I have to slow down and really think about what I am going to write, so I have time to see things like they really are. Journaling is great therapy!

And of course there’s always the thought that someday I will be able to let my daughters read the account of my life and tell her, “You see, I was once a girl just like you and I had the same feelings and emotions.” It will be so much fun being able to laugh with my daughters at the silly things I did or thought. I may also need to go through them time and time again to remind myself of how teenagers think so that I will know how to deal with my children!

To me, journals seem like a good thing all the way around. They are not just for little girls who want to write about their crushes, but for people of all ages who want to see where they are going in life, where they have come from, and be able to look back and see God’s goodness recorded . . . in the pages of a journal.